Longing For Daddy

When I was little having loving parents was the dream. Mom and dad both taking care of me and my brother, but as we grew up all I can remember is them fighting. It was something different every time they fought. It really bugged me and I know it hurt my mother all the time when they fought. I can remember clearly one night my mom and dad fought, and my brother wasn't that old, but the fight was so bad my mom packed her some clothes and my brothers and took off. I went to bed that night and when I woke up to go to the bathroom I found my mom and brother sleeping in my room. As we grew up the fighting died down and they got a long really well.

Well when I made it to the ninth grade I got a job working at a restaurant and I can remember my mom telling me later that night that her and my dad had got into it. It really upset me when she would tell me about them fighting again. Apparently my father thought he could have his cake and eat it to. When I found out what was really going on I thought I had the worst father in the world. Another year passed and things just got more complicated. My mom started making my dad sleep on the couch and he would just have to get the clothes he had that were clean and wear them to work. One night I remember going to bed and then all of a sudden I hear a loud noise. The next night they fought again and I just got so tired of it that I would up moving out.

These past few years my momma has stayed strong even though everyday is a challenge for her. Even after everything I have put her through. Even when I wound up in court with my dads girlfriend she stayed right there with me and stayed strong. My mom tries to make everything we do fun but it doesn't really help when I see other families out and their father is right there hanging out with them. It makes me wonder what my life would be like if my father was still in my life.

Thanks to my mom though I now know that I don't need a man in my life to make everything to better or worth wild. My mom has also taught me that if I keep my faith and just do everything I want to and keep my mind on it then I can get there. Yet there are those days when I need my father there for some advice that even my mom can't help me with. I love my mom she has taught me so much through out these few years, and I am very grateful. I do think though even though I have a ways to go, is my life going to turn out what I witnessed or is that all up to me? I know when I was in therapy I asked that same question. My therapist told me that a child who witnesses these kind of things, has a greater risk of ending up in an abusive relationship. I hope one day that I can prove my therapist wrong and show him that not everyone who comes from a background like that doesn't have to end up in an abusive relationship.

If it weren't for my mother showing me life can be some what easy without a man I wouldn't be who I am today. I really don't consider my self an activist but I really can see myself doing a lot without a man by my side.