Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Domestic Violence Awareness
I know Domestic Violence Month has already passed, but I would like to share this. How many people in this world have been abused- whether physical, emotional, sexually, or verbally? I can say that I am one person in the world that has been abused in every way imaginable. When it comes to domestic violence awareness month, I stay clear from everything that has to do with domestice violence. In high school we used to have police officers who would come in and talk to us about domestic violence. It wasn't until I got into the 10th grade when I would have to get up and leave the room. I would go to the bathroom and just have a major breakdown. I was one person that could not do anything right, no matter how hard I tried or what I done. At school I could smile and laugh, but no one knew it was to cover up all the tears I just wanted to let flow. All these types of abuse that I have been through within the 24 years I have been alive is just something I do not want others to go through. At the age of 14, I was beat until I was black and blue with anything my ex could get ahold of. I have had so many fractured bones in my body because I would get beat with a metal pole. He was smart enough to leave the bruises where I could hide them with my clothes. I never told anyone and I never pressed charges. At the age of 16, I began the trip down the path of verbal, and emotional abuse. At 16, mid-August, I became pregnant with my first daughter. This was very scary. I was young, but I was determined to take care of her. I gave birth to her in June of 2004. When I was 19 I became pregnant with my second daughter- it was rape. I said no, and I tried to push him off, but he was too strong. It took me back to the night I was in that ditch. I quit fighting and thought, "If I don't fight him, maybe it won't hurt as bad." Well, I was wrong. It hurt worse because now that was 2. I did stay with him. I was scared to leave him. I was scared for my babies. When I was 21, I became pregnant with my third and last child- this too, was rape. I went through this abuse for 7 years. I tried to do things right, I tried to make him happy, but nothing seemed to work. Finally, I had enough. I got the courage to leave him. In June of 2010, I finally recieved my divorce. We had been seperated for about 6 months prior to the divorce and I had found an amazing guy, with who I am still with. He made me feel important. He made me feel beautiful. He made me feel appreciated. My ex-husband wasn't so happy, and busted in my door at mid-night and he hit me and called me a bitch (as he always did). I wasn't going to take it, so I fought back. I ended up breaking his nose, busting both his lips, and shifting his cheek bone. No one knows about this either. I keep all my traumas inside. They are MY problems. I am afraid to let it out because I don't want to relive everything more than I need to. This is why Domestic Violence Month is so hard for me.
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2 comments:
I wish I could give you a hug Myra. Thank you for sharing. Talking about this must be hard, but I imagine that keeping it tucked inside is even harder.
Your story reminded me of my own mom. My biological father used to beat her, and always managed to hit her in places that would go undetected (usually the sides of her head). It took a lot of courage for my mom to leave him. I was only 5 years old at the time, but remember in detail watching my mother get beaten. Talking about things that we’ve lived through is hard, but it helps to share our stories. You never know who else could be reading this blog that can relate to your past- and by voicing what’s happened to you may give them the courage to share as well.
Have you ever thought about volunteering as a victim advocate with REACH or with the SAFE/ Qualla Shelter? This idea may be a bit too soon for you to consider…but it’s a thought.
I hope that you find some sort of (positive) outlet that will continue to help you heal both emotionally and mentally.
Talking about it is hard and sometimes scary because I see all of those images in my head. I thought keeping it inside would be better because I could mask every aspect of it. But then I couldn't mask every aspect because every night after the rape when I was 13 I had nightmares that seemed so real. This went on for 3 years of nightly nightmares. After 3 years it just bothered me on the anniversary of the rape and the day I found out the monster got me pregnant. The rapes from my ex-husband on the other hand, I still have nightmares about. All of my trauma hit me all at one time and I had a major breakdown. So far my meds are doing what they are supposed to be doing to help me keep my days as normal as possible. It is still hard somedays but I do manage to get through. Thank you for your comments, not only on this but on the other too.
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